But anyway an update is due.
I have struggled this past week. Still feeling the effects of the binge crap food I ate previously which I knew would take a good 6 or more days to clear, but then work was really busy and I didn't eat when I really felt hungry during the day. So then when I got home I was horribly, ravenously hungry. Itried to eat my salads as planned and for awhile I succeeded. Then Wednesday I worked a 12 hour day (which I am very grateful for as I needed the work) and when I got home I felt I had suppressed my hunger so much that I didn't feel satisfied with anything and honestly didn't know what to eat. I ended up eating a whole sack of avocados (5 small ones) which did not feel good in my stomach and I slept poorly. Then same thing Thursday I ended up eating nuts which really really didn't feel good and I felt really sad also and then Friday I ate rice cakes and hummus which of course are not raw, so I am officially out of the challenge.
But I am really grateful because I realized something. All the times I have tried to be all raw, the same thing happens. I end up feeling miserable and deprived and it all feels forced and like I am not living in my right mind, or doing this diet for the right reasons. I believe it's because I haven't been loving myself enough or respecting my body and listening to it. So I realized it's time to set myself a new goal: To love and respect my body's needs. I am going to change this challenge to a 30 day Respecting my Body Challenge. Which means I am going to remind myself every day to listen to my body and hopefully over the course of the next 21 days I can become better at nourishing myself in a loving way. That is what this is all about. I realize my body just craves love, and I believe love is the best healer. I am going to eat what my body asks for and that way I can learn to become true to myself and I will most likely be high raw vegan as I know that is what my body loves best.
So the rest of this challenge is now going to be about releasing myself from judgements and from putting pressures on myself. My poor body has suffered enough abuse from eating disorders and really doesn't need me adding to it. and if I eat all raw but in a forced way with my body not being happy, I will never be slim and healthy and lean because I am not respecting my body, and my own judgements will get in the way and keep me trapped and may even cause me to binge on junk. After 31 years I know myself enough to realize what I need to do. I just have to trust myself enough to do it.
Today is day 8 and I will make another post later on tonight.
I finally feel pretty good now after a low energy day yesterday, my body was struggling to digest the nuts still, I could feel it and I gave myself two enemas and they helped immeasurably, and I finally felt well last night and went for a beautiful little run, and it was such a lovely warm evening for October.
I went for a run this morning and will go to the gym in a little while as well. I'm so grateful to be feeling so much better! Will decide what to eat and post on that later too. It'll be high raw vegan for sure :)
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