I felt horribly fat all day today. I felt fat while working and also at the gym. I think it's because of feeling still "off" from the stuff I ate on Saturday. Really, really not cool!
I felt so discouraged and sad and started to feel that old voice of depression trying to tell me, "it's no good, no matter what you do or how healthy you eat, or how much you do or don't workout, you will never beat this eating disorder" and that's just a horrible thought to have and I don't want to hold onto that or even let the depression/eating disorder even get a hold on my thoughts like that. I do feel much better after my workout, but even so I still feel not very happy. Maybe it's just a day of not feeling very happy. I guess that's ok, I just don't want to lose this battle. I think winning or losing is like an illusion, or at least losing is for sure, when the eating disorder takes control like that, it can make a person start to believe its' lies. I hate those lies. They are not true and they are not worth my time and energy.
It's also the time of the month when I get extra hungry, so I have to be careful not to slide into a binge again. I have to be on my guard. I must just get through this week. In fact, it is already Tuesday, so that means just 3 days left. And I need to stay on plan today. Last night I figured it was "ok" to polish off the last of the Larabars I had in the house and an avocado, which definitely were not on my plan, but they're gone now and I have to say I feel a huge relief that they won't be taunting me all week. I can have my treat on Saturday. Now I need to be on plan.
I didn't work until 10 today, and only worked for a few hours and then went to the gym. It felt like a weird day for that reason, and the fact that I was installing lights all by myself at this worksite kind of stressed me out. I don't like working alone.
Anyway, I didn't take my usual lunch break, and when i got home after the gym I made myself a juice and had an apple also, and am planning a salad for supper. I just have to keep myself on plan....arrgh...WHY is this so hard? I am craving more of that stupid gluten-free bread and I know it is really bad for me and will make me even more bloated and fatter if I eat it. Stupid cravings. I wish they would go away. I am tired and don't feel like fighting this battle right now.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
Monday, 1 September 2014
First day of September
It is the first day of September today already, wow.
I am still battling a sinus infection, and it is hanging on and on, making me tired, and tired of it, lol. But I'm still doing my twice daily minced raw garlic with raw honey, and I firmly believe it helps reduce the severity of a cold or flu, although perhaps not the duration, but still well worth taking it.
After my binge on Saturday, I ate raw Sunday and today again, and lots of juice. Unfortunately though I am still feeling the effects of poor choices, I am still extra tired and still bloated up from the gluten-free bread I ate. Yes it was a very, very poor choice, but it's in the past now and nothing I can do about it.
In spite of my cold I did make it to the gym and got in a workout today, although not a very long one. But it sure helped me feel more normal again! I also picked up a copy of the fall schedule at my gym and was super excited to see that they are having my favourite class on Saturdays now! I am sure looking forward to that!
Today was a big cilantro, celery, cucumber, apple, pear, beet, ginger, lemon juice with cayenne and tumeric, a banana, and my amazing sprouted oats with fresh almond milk, chia, cinnamon, and blueberries. I also had a Larabar. I'm still kinda hungry so not sure, I might have an apple or two.
I had pretty much the exact same thing yesterday, except my juice was spinach instead of cilantro and I didn't have beets in it. I also didn't have a banana but had 2 kiwis and an apple.
I wrote in my journal today and wrote out my goals for the next week, but forgot to add to my blog, so here they are.
Goals for the next week:
1) get in all my workouts
and
2) eat all raw for as many meals as I can Monday-Friday, although I feel that I might be craving some cooked veggies with salad, and if that is the case, then I will honour that need. Either way the plan is to eat this way Mon-thru Fri, and on Saturday I will allow myself anything I desire to eat as that keeps my sanity and will work fine for me if I can make sure I respect the things my body can tolerate and to stay away from those that cause it to struggle. (this basically means my goal is to NOT eat gluten free bread again! lol)
I am still battling a sinus infection, and it is hanging on and on, making me tired, and tired of it, lol. But I'm still doing my twice daily minced raw garlic with raw honey, and I firmly believe it helps reduce the severity of a cold or flu, although perhaps not the duration, but still well worth taking it.
After my binge on Saturday, I ate raw Sunday and today again, and lots of juice. Unfortunately though I am still feeling the effects of poor choices, I am still extra tired and still bloated up from the gluten-free bread I ate. Yes it was a very, very poor choice, but it's in the past now and nothing I can do about it.
In spite of my cold I did make it to the gym and got in a workout today, although not a very long one. But it sure helped me feel more normal again! I also picked up a copy of the fall schedule at my gym and was super excited to see that they are having my favourite class on Saturdays now! I am sure looking forward to that!
Today was a big cilantro, celery, cucumber, apple, pear, beet, ginger, lemon juice with cayenne and tumeric, a banana, and my amazing sprouted oats with fresh almond milk, chia, cinnamon, and blueberries. I also had a Larabar. I'm still kinda hungry so not sure, I might have an apple or two.
I had pretty much the exact same thing yesterday, except my juice was spinach instead of cilantro and I didn't have beets in it. I also didn't have a banana but had 2 kiwis and an apple.
I wrote in my journal today and wrote out my goals for the next week, but forgot to add to my blog, so here they are.
Goals for the next week:
1) get in all my workouts
and
2) eat all raw for as many meals as I can Monday-Friday, although I feel that I might be craving some cooked veggies with salad, and if that is the case, then I will honour that need. Either way the plan is to eat this way Mon-thru Fri, and on Saturday I will allow myself anything I desire to eat as that keeps my sanity and will work fine for me if I can make sure I respect the things my body can tolerate and to stay away from those that cause it to struggle. (this basically means my goal is to NOT eat gluten free bread again! lol)
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