Update for the week

My last post was exactly a week ago and I have had an epic fail this past week! To start with, I was feeling almost manic-ly hungry on my juice cleanse once I got to day 16, which was Monday. I now know from experience that it was my body telling me it needed more nutrition and different nutrients. I've been in that mode before after juice fasting and it is the reason I'd always go back to eating crap and just say fukitol I screwed up, I might as well throw in the towel and keep screwing up. It was not an emotional reason at all, it was purely a physical reaction that my body has whenever I "restrict" anything. Anyways, it's a really crappy situation to be in because when I get to feeling like that, it's like, anything goes, and I'm just looking for something to stuff in my mouth in the hopes of relieving the "starving animal" feeling. It's awful.

Anyways, Monday was a very dark, snowy, heavy cloudy day which is something that really affects me and makes me want to stay inside and not go to the gym. Anyway, I became aware of the fact that I felt like I was starving when I made my morning juice and just about gagged looking at it. (and, this is the girl who LOVES juices and veggies!!) So I made the decision to try and eat 1 meal a day along with juicing, as I spoke about Sunday, and having decided that, I set out to the store with the intention of finding some good veggies maybe on sale and figuring out what to eat. Not really a good idea to go to the store without a plan, and while feeling ravenously hungry and sick of juice.

When I got to the store I wandered around and eventually decided I was craving pistachios, edamame, and hummus with rice cakes. Not really on my plan, but I went with the craving. Came home and watched a movie and ate. I couldn't seem to appease my hunger and cooked up an entire bundle of broccoli and threw that in as well for good measure. It was a frightening feeling to eat to the point of stuffing yourself and yet still feeling starved. It was way too much food for my stomach and I of course had a major stomachache all day.

Then Tuesday, wed, and Thurs I tried each day to get back on track, started off with juice, but kept feeling starving and each day ate a lot of cooked veggies, peas and edamame but still felt awful. Wed and Thurs I even went so far as to eat chocolate, gluten free bread with olive oil and tomato, and carrot cake. Yeah. Not very good. I immediately felt bloated and sick.

Friday I managed to stick to tuna and sweet potato but it was still too much food and I was still bloated. Saturday (yesterday) I made a big juice and took it to work and sipped it all day along with LOTS of water ; I had the feeling I was forgetting to drink enough water as well. Then had a banana, and then came home and wondered what to make for supper. I found a recipe for kale chips and never having made them before, got really excited and rushed into the kitchen and made up my first batch, and omg they were fab!!!! I mean sooo delicious. I ate the entire bunch and that was supper and I felt perfectly satisfied and just had a cup of tea before bed, and as I was eating them I started to feel satisfied and nourished, like it was something my body had been asking for and needed. I got a wonderful sleep, woke up refreshed this morning and went for a run in the snow, and feel like I have survived the crisis. Most of the bloating from the sugar and crap is gone down and I am back in control and on track and not craving the junk anymore. I'm so happy.

So what can I learn from this? Sometimes I overextend myself and I need to remember that this control is always here and I can always find it for myself, it is not elusive or doesn't need to be as long as I listen to my body and give it what it needs instead of trying to think I know better.
I sincerely wish it hadn't taken me a whole week to get back on track, but what's done is done and at least I am back feeling good mentally again and minimal damage was done, as my clothes are back to feeling as loose as they were on day 15. So I guess I'm on day 15 again although on day 22, if that makes sense. I'm going to go on from here and not give up and get right back to the gym and not waste anymore time because life is too short to feel fat. Lol.