Part of my eating disorder has always been about avoiding pain, avoiding the illusion of pain, or the fear of it (same thing). I have learned a few things from my own personal experience. These things are true for me, but may not be true for someone else because we each have our own individual path, but I wanted to write a little post about this.
Pain, on a physical level, tells us what part of our body may be injured, strained or damaged in some way. It tells us this so that we can rest that part of our body, or maybe do an epsom salt bath to help sore muscles for example. This is the most basic purpose of physical pain. Of course physical pain can also be a manifestation of mental or emotional pain, and in this case it will show up in the weakest body part.
Emotional and mental pain can teach us, in the same way, what part of our spirit is hurting, and this is usually because we are not honouring it in one way or another. It can be a tool to show us that we are not honouring our true self, and then we can take this knowledge and put it towards our greater good, by then taking steps to honour ourselves. For a person with a background of eating disorders or depression, this is probably something we have never done before and that we need to learn. So how do we do that? By trial and error, experimenting until we find that which resonates within us. (The trick, of course, is to not get discouraged and give up, to always remember that we are worth it, and that in the end, learning this will be worth it many times over the struggle it took to get there.)
Pain can show us our deepest desires, our darkest fears, our worst enemies and the best as well as the worst sides of ourselves. It can show us our path in life, or give us a hint that what we are doing is not in accordance with our true selves. I believe that this is valuable information given to us, if we are open to it, and we can use it to help us move forward, to heal and recover from anything, in this case an eating disorder. The key is to always see pain for what it is. It is here to help us, and we don't have to fear it or run away from it. So in the light of this insight, I always try to remember to be grateful for the pain that I feel, because it is given to me to help me honour my spirit. If I can keep this attitude of gratitude, I can honour my pain and learn from it rather than trying to hide from it and destroying myself in the process.
